Today, you know me as Dr. Cruz, the mental health and substance abuse therapist, life coach and hypnotherapist that helps many people heal their lives, but for the first 40 years of my life I was nothing of the sort. I was a walking zombie, the product of abuse, pain, and trauma. I survived by becoming a prisoner of my own mind and years later had to learn how to kill-off that version of myself so my authentic power could emerge. The journey started by being born into the projects of the Lower East Side of Manhattan where my life was entrenched in grave poverty.
I had substance abusers as parents, and although they were not bad people; they lived unhealthy lives. Had I been consciously in-tuned as a youth my first lesson in life would have been to avoid unhealthy behaviors in order to have a healthy life. Unfortunately, I was not consciously in-tune. By age 7, I was put into foster care where for the next 6 years of my life fear infiltrated the workings of my mind. Life takes on a completely different experience when you live from a place of fear instead of the safe, loving family environment every child should grow up in. I was in fear because I was left alone and vulnerable to the heinous people around me. There was no one to protect me. My parents had failed at their job to raise me properly so I became a victim to evil people. I experienced mental, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse during all major stages of growth and development. Something happens to a person who constantly moves into strangers' homes year after year, never knowing who will beat them, molest them, or try to kill them. When I tell you I AM "the miracle", I don't say it lightly at all.
Unable to protect myself from my environment, my mind learned to protect me instead. I hid within myself. By the 10th grade, I became a high school drop-out because I ran away from my grandfather's home where I had been imprisoned and sexually abused for two years. Upon running away, I instantaneously became homeless. This lasted a couple of years as I bounced around from one friend's home to a boyfriend's home, ultimately being kicked out or forced to leave all of them. There are many years I just have no recollection of where I lived. This is the legacy of hundreds of thousands of children every year. Eventually, I ended back in foster care where I was then kicked out a year later as I approached the 12th grade. By the grace of God, I graduated high school with honors after being kicked out of three more homes, ultimately finding my way into the U.S. Navy.
Because I had not been raised properly by any of my care takers, I was ill-prepared for life. I made bad choice after bad choice in the military, most poignantly with the men I chose to have relationships with. I did not know how to make smart decisions because no one had taught me how to THINK. Thinking, I later learned, is fundamental to living a good life. I found myself stuck in misery for decades because I did not have any idea how to identify what was wrong with me, my life, or how to fix it, so I did what most people do when they feel powerless: I self-medicated. I became a drinker to escape my pain and the feeling of being miserably "stuck" in life. It was fun to drink. I had a great time drinking but DOOM was always lurking nearby. I could not see that I was ruining my life. That is the price we pay for over indulgence and lack of wisdom.
In my late 30s, I found myself in what would be my last domestic violent relationship with my then boyfriend who was 11 years my junior. Because I didn't know how to make smart decisions, I could not readily identify the fact that being 37, dating a 26 year old was a bad decision for me, not solely because he was 26, but because his life experiences and mine were not aligned. He was struggling with confidence, identity, and power/control issues. Those are red flags I knew nothing about. I was struggling with trying to force a relationship to work that should have never started in the first place.
We had fought many, many times, but one particular night was different and it changed my life forever. As he held my arms down, smacking me in my face continuously, while taunting me in an evil, constricted voice, he threatened that I better shut the F### up or my daughter would look down from the loft and see me getting beaten. That threat and my inability to escape his physical and mentally abusive grip changed my life forever. All I could do was look him straight in his evil eyes and for the first time ever, see him for what he truly was: EVIL. When he finally let me go, I ran out of my house so fast, falling a couple of times from the trembling traumatic experience I had just experienced, and I drove to my best friend's condo. She wasn't home that night, so I slept in her parking garage and the next day when I woke up, I knew I had to change EVERYTHING about my life!
I started by selling my home because this abusive man would not move out. I've since learned that millions of women silently suffer from men who will not leave their homes, which is an intimidation and control tactic. Because I still worked from fear, which had been instilled in me from the trauma and abuse in foster care, I was too scared to reach out for help in the military. I thought I would get into grave trouble for reasons too lengthy to get into here, so I rented another home and did not tell him where I was moving. By the time he found me, I was emotionally strong enough to tell him to get the hell out of my life and never speak to me again! Little by little, I took conscious control of my life and it's been an incredibly miraculous journey since.
In time, I received my PhD in Mental Health Counseling, which facilitated my own emotional healing and led me to working in the mental health/substance abuse field helping countless others heal their own lives. Once I was HEALED, I began to PROSPER, and prosper in a VERY BIG WAY! I became a 3x Author, Speaker, International Mental Health Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Manifesting Coach, and CEO of my own non-profit organization for foster children called Fostering Hearts and Homes where I teach them all I did to heal my life so they too can begin to heal theirs. My daughter is a FIDM alumna, Fashion Designer, and budding entrepreneur. I live in sunny California where my spirit finally feels "at home", I'm the happiest and healthiest I've ever been, and I have dedicated the rest of my life to helping people process their subconscious trauma so they can heal.
Never having been raised by parents, being abandoned by all of my family members, experiencing domestic violent relationships with men I should have never let into my life, overcoming alcohol dependence, and suffering all the other struggles of a life that had no real foundation has ultimately become the exact reason I'm an effective Coach and Therapist. I've learned that I am a spiritual being having a human experience and when I honor my spirit, I can better control my mind, and THEN I can achieve anything I'm in alignment with. The progression of my life is the proof it works and my goal now is to teach you how to do the same for yours!
I had substance abusers as parents, and although they were not bad people; they lived unhealthy lives. Had I been consciously in-tuned as a youth my first lesson in life would have been to avoid unhealthy behaviors in order to have a healthy life. Unfortunately, I was not consciously in-tune. By age 7, I was put into foster care where for the next 6 years of my life fear infiltrated the workings of my mind. Life takes on a completely different experience when you live from a place of fear instead of the safe, loving family environment every child should grow up in. I was in fear because I was left alone and vulnerable to the heinous people around me. There was no one to protect me. My parents had failed at their job to raise me properly so I became a victim to evil people. I experienced mental, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse during all major stages of growth and development. Something happens to a person who constantly moves into strangers' homes year after year, never knowing who will beat them, molest them, or try to kill them. When I tell you I AM "the miracle", I don't say it lightly at all.
Unable to protect myself from my environment, my mind learned to protect me instead. I hid within myself. By the 10th grade, I became a high school drop-out because I ran away from my grandfather's home where I had been imprisoned and sexually abused for two years. Upon running away, I instantaneously became homeless. This lasted a couple of years as I bounced around from one friend's home to a boyfriend's home, ultimately being kicked out or forced to leave all of them. There are many years I just have no recollection of where I lived. This is the legacy of hundreds of thousands of children every year. Eventually, I ended back in foster care where I was then kicked out a year later as I approached the 12th grade. By the grace of God, I graduated high school with honors after being kicked out of three more homes, ultimately finding my way into the U.S. Navy.
Because I had not been raised properly by any of my care takers, I was ill-prepared for life. I made bad choice after bad choice in the military, most poignantly with the men I chose to have relationships with. I did not know how to make smart decisions because no one had taught me how to THINK. Thinking, I later learned, is fundamental to living a good life. I found myself stuck in misery for decades because I did not have any idea how to identify what was wrong with me, my life, or how to fix it, so I did what most people do when they feel powerless: I self-medicated. I became a drinker to escape my pain and the feeling of being miserably "stuck" in life. It was fun to drink. I had a great time drinking but DOOM was always lurking nearby. I could not see that I was ruining my life. That is the price we pay for over indulgence and lack of wisdom.
In my late 30s, I found myself in what would be my last domestic violent relationship with my then boyfriend who was 11 years my junior. Because I didn't know how to make smart decisions, I could not readily identify the fact that being 37, dating a 26 year old was a bad decision for me, not solely because he was 26, but because his life experiences and mine were not aligned. He was struggling with confidence, identity, and power/control issues. Those are red flags I knew nothing about. I was struggling with trying to force a relationship to work that should have never started in the first place.
We had fought many, many times, but one particular night was different and it changed my life forever. As he held my arms down, smacking me in my face continuously, while taunting me in an evil, constricted voice, he threatened that I better shut the F### up or my daughter would look down from the loft and see me getting beaten. That threat and my inability to escape his physical and mentally abusive grip changed my life forever. All I could do was look him straight in his evil eyes and for the first time ever, see him for what he truly was: EVIL. When he finally let me go, I ran out of my house so fast, falling a couple of times from the trembling traumatic experience I had just experienced, and I drove to my best friend's condo. She wasn't home that night, so I slept in her parking garage and the next day when I woke up, I knew I had to change EVERYTHING about my life!
I started by selling my home because this abusive man would not move out. I've since learned that millions of women silently suffer from men who will not leave their homes, which is an intimidation and control tactic. Because I still worked from fear, which had been instilled in me from the trauma and abuse in foster care, I was too scared to reach out for help in the military. I thought I would get into grave trouble for reasons too lengthy to get into here, so I rented another home and did not tell him where I was moving. By the time he found me, I was emotionally strong enough to tell him to get the hell out of my life and never speak to me again! Little by little, I took conscious control of my life and it's been an incredibly miraculous journey since.
In time, I received my PhD in Mental Health Counseling, which facilitated my own emotional healing and led me to working in the mental health/substance abuse field helping countless others heal their own lives. Once I was HEALED, I began to PROSPER, and prosper in a VERY BIG WAY! I became a 3x Author, Speaker, International Mental Health Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Manifesting Coach, and CEO of my own non-profit organization for foster children called Fostering Hearts and Homes where I teach them all I did to heal my life so they too can begin to heal theirs. My daughter is a FIDM alumna, Fashion Designer, and budding entrepreneur. I live in sunny California where my spirit finally feels "at home", I'm the happiest and healthiest I've ever been, and I have dedicated the rest of my life to helping people process their subconscious trauma so they can heal.
Never having been raised by parents, being abandoned by all of my family members, experiencing domestic violent relationships with men I should have never let into my life, overcoming alcohol dependence, and suffering all the other struggles of a life that had no real foundation has ultimately become the exact reason I'm an effective Coach and Therapist. I've learned that I am a spiritual being having a human experience and when I honor my spirit, I can better control my mind, and THEN I can achieve anything I'm in alignment with. The progression of my life is the proof it works and my goal now is to teach you how to do the same for yours!